Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
I think I just used lyrics from the Sister Sister theme song to let a guy down easy...
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
He told me we shouldn't hang out because it would be weird and then snap chatted me a picture of his dick
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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