Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I've made out with men from every corner of the globe. Sex-wise, I've almost conquered europe. Take that napoleon
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
Randomize
