Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Funny favor to ask you... can you ask James to ask Chris if he came in me ? Trying to assess whether or not I need plan B.
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
