i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Babe! I just farted and I swear to jesus lord christ that it sounded like ur name! Ok, more like Meeatt but still... awesome.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
Drinking ketchup directly out of the bottle does not make it tomato juice.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
Randomize
