i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I just blew my nose and little bits of weed came out.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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