She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
u downloaded tardy 4 the party
then u started screaming about not wanting nene on the record
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
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