rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
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