So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
