I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
I action rolled over a firepit. Twice. I am the action roll king
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
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