So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize
