Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
I think they should rename 16 and pregnant to "I was fucked in highschool and all I got was a baby and humiliated infront of the nation on MTV"
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
Im 95% ready to shit behind 711
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Somehow it went from suicide to pierced nipples. I think we're good.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
Randomize
