drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
I AM BEING ACCOSTED BY A HUMMING BIRD
I AM IN MILD DISTRESS
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
Randomize
