Is it sad I memorized the exact change required for a #7 at Wendy's?
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
Randomize
