Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(248): View more from Michigan

the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it.

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(248): the highlight of my day was when my dad called me when I was watching porn and I muted it instead of pausing it. http://tfl.nu/bv5q

Replies (15) Good night (2768) Bad night (867)
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(818): View more from California

Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.

(818): View more from California

Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.

(818): View more from California

And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.

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(818): Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week. (818): Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks. (818): And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it. http://tfl.nu/ncbc

Replies (14) Good night (3358) Bad night (566)
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(615): View more from Tennessee

Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!

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(615): Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY! http://tfl.nu/jz8m

Replies (21) Good night (845) Bad night (4099)
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(713): View more from Texas

yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.

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(713): yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn. http://tfl.nu/bp9j

Replies (38) Good night (4821) Bad night (2092)
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(813): View more from Florida

yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing

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(813): yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing http://tfl.nu/tarj

Replies (71) Good night (12643) Bad night (1181)
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(317): View more from Indiana

Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.

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(317): Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week. http://tfl.nu/d9gv

Replies (21) Good night (6782) Bad night (1069)
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(347): View more from New York

Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.

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(347): Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year. http://tfl.nu/t2q4

Replies (5) Good night (1664) Bad night (1076)
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(203): View more from Connecticut

Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time

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(203): Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time http://tfl.nu/nn7c

Replies (1) Good night (662) Bad night (993)
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(240): View more from Maryland

A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it

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(240): A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it http://tfl.nu/zmnm

Replies (3) Good night (1170) Bad night (459)
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(724): View more from Pennsylvania

You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.

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(724): You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to. http://tfl.nu/ryed

Replies (2) Good night (663) Bad night (404)
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(704): View more from North Carolina

Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.

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(704): Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone. http://tfl.nu/kasl

Replies (3) Good night (767) Bad night (402)
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(424): View more from California

Update: I may or may not be in a cult

(424): View more from California

Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult

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(424): Update: I may or may not be in a cult (424): Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult http://tfl.nu/yyf4

Replies (9) Good night (1490) Bad night (302)
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(201): View more from New Jersey

If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.

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(201): If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses. http://tfl.nu/91v1

Replies (0) Good night (468) Bad night (196)
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(973): View more from New Jersey

You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.

(201): View more from New Jersey

I'm trying to hide in the table.

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(973): You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man. (201): I'm trying to hide in the table. http://tfl.nu/7531

Replies (1) Good night (388) Bad night (274)
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(734): View more from Michigan

But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss

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(734): But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss http://tfl.nu/ju7w

Replies (1) Good night (538) Bad night (193)

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