NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.