Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
do you think the kids from 7th heaven are mad that dennis and sweet dee are their half-brother and sister?
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
An old lady WILL get vomited on today.
I don't think a gay three way is the best way to confirm your sexuality.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important