Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(952): View more from Minnesota

Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.

(612): View more from Minnesota

I wish i was spraying into your jaw.

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(503): View more from Oregon

The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator

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(559): View more from California

Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE

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(708): View more from Illinois

He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain

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23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Read it at the TFLN blog
(618): View more from Illinois

Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?

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(917): View more from New York City

Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.

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(559): View more from California

Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.

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(410): View more from Maryland

You texted me a picture of your face along with #help

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(907): View more from Alaska

hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it

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