His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
Apparently I've told this bouncer I stalk him on Instagram 3 times. I should stop drinking. I only remeber saying it tonight. early sign of Alzheimer's
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!