I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument