I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
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