Today I ate a sandwich and half my molar fell off, feels like a semi sprayed into my jaw.
I wish i was spraying into your jaw.
The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it