Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
The US State Dept doesn't need to know I'm a high strung drunken whore.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
