My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
Remember in school when they told us our vag was made just the right size for our future husband? I must say I am enjoying trying to find that perfect fit.
Using your Catholic School education as an excuse for this? Why didn't I think of that?!
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
