New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
Randomize
