just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
