oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
