if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
I've decided, even as much fun as it sounds, I don't care for his sodomy box.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
