wrigley field is MILF paradise
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
I just saw the Mona Lisa in the background of a porno. Whole new appreciation for art. fuck you I'm cultured.
We haven't even scratched the surface on the damage we could do. Just saying
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
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