he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
