I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I just picked up my phone and one shoe from the man mowing the lawn next to the ice rink. He found them in a tree.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
