Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
So I was walking to the bathroom and some random dude threw up while walking towards me. He kept eye contact the entire time and didn't stop moving.
Randomize
