so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Success! We fucked roommates!
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
So then edible panties?
Jesus no he likes candy too much, I'd lose a lip
is it weird that i just witnessed the marriage of someone ive had sex with on multiple occasions?
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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