So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
Lemme put it this way babe, at point you were naked in Target.
Where were you?
Laughing
She shoved her hand down my pants and held my cock for thirty minutes in the bar. It was like she was letting all the other females know I was hers.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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