I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Apparently I used ziplock bags to smuggle my drink out with. By pouring it in one, then cut the corner like it was an icing bag later that night. What is wrong with me?
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
Randomize
