so high. i feel like my whole body is a boner
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
Randomize
