honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I don't think you should say "suck my dick" and then proclaim to be a messiah, of any sort.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
