i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She literally thanked me for asking before I put in her ass
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Randomize
