I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
whats wrong with me. i have a coffee mug of wine in the library and i'm doing homework
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Randomize
