So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
Apparently I look legit enough, cause the 3 bums next to me just got kicked awake by cops, and I was allowed to stay sitting here. That's a plus, right?
i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
I just got checked out by a paramedic whilst their sirens were on. I'm doing something right
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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