take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
Gotta love hanging with Nat. By the time guys realize she isnt going home with them, they've spent enough money and time to think I'm a good idea.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
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you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
This should be a warning to men everywhere: do not send pictures of your erect penis to women you hardly know - they will add cats and send them to all of their friends.
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
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Your fuck buddy is making you watch the OC. I think that counts as strings attached.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
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