It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
the best part about watching a meteor shower at 4 am is being able to masturbate in public and drink hot chocolate at the same time.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
It's like eating cereal and milk but instead of cereal it's gummy bears and instead of milk it's vodka.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
