I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Not me. I think "beastiality" sounds pretty classy.
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
Im shirtless eating a burrito. How urgent is this?
In a min. With a stripper at the hospital. Business. Not pleasure.
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Why is there an ambulance refusal in my pocket? I'm never going drinking with you again.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
