I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
