Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I just had to stop two people giving each other hand jobs in the pool. That was not something I was taught in lifeguard training
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Randomize
