hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
We will just distract him with tacos and porn.
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
