Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
Ladies don't puke and tell
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
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