i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Let's just say, I will never again lick an asshole.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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