She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
you inspire me to be a worse person
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
