no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I made him say "i realize i'm cheating on my girlfriend" five times aloud before i would hook up with him. Somehow that has to lessen my bad karma
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
Almost ran over girl selling candy bars for charity. Pretty much obligated to buy at that point.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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