if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Is it weird if I ask my drug dealer to prom? Be honest.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Not much, really baked..... beethoven is AMAZING it's like i'm flying in space with baby jesus
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
Randomize
