just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
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Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
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i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
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