The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
