all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
I have a vague memory of you tryin to ride a unicycle through jimmy johns
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
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