these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Help everyone's hot
Men are hot women are hot non-binary people are hot aliens are hot
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
