He ignores my calls like im some kind of stalker chick
Ive only called 5 times
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
