If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
It only takes once for you to drunkly piss on a chick for her to lose interest in you.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Sometimes I look at the people in school that are obviously very diligent and on top of their studies, and then I wonder why they don't smoke weed.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Randomize
