She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Hi, this is a test of the morning after apology broadcast system. If you're receiving this pre-recorded message there is a high probability I was a dickwad to you in the past 24 hours. You have my utmost and sincere apologies. Also if you have my wallet, house key, left converse, or lighter, give them/it back
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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