Asian chick on skype stripping for me. Hold on give few min
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
