you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
smell my finger.
I already brushed my teeth, and it's not even noon yet. Today's going to be a productive day.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
