i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
But theres a keg here and me gusta
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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