your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
Walked by a shop giving away free donuts this morning. Best walk of shame ever
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
my head hurts. i need an adult
and not like a cool parent adult. like a full fledged party pooper grandparent adult
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Randomize
