It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
5th glass of wine. There's pictures of Jesus everywhere. It's like you're constantly reminded of your sins here.
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
