I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
Randomize
