The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
