i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
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