He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
Ugh I feel like I just got hit by a big giant sex bus.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
wow bdsm is so cute
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
Randomize
