i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Randomize
