a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
It's barely 9 am & I've already had an ice cube IN my vagina
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
Randomize
