Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize
