oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
i was mezmorized. she was the most beautiful girl that looked like a boy i ever seen
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
Randomize
