just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
Randomize
