ugly people sure do ruin things
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
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