hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Fulfilled a bucket list goal last night. Borrowed a dollar from a stripper to buy smokes
God bless Atlanta.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
you said you wanted to call me grandma and give me hugs
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
Randomize
