i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
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