Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
I figure I since I made out with him that I at least had to save his number in my phone.
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Randomize
