i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
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