you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
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