Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
He just sent me a picture of multiple chickens eating in his kitchen... should I be worried
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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