remind me to tell you about the ham sandwich empire im building
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
