yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
Randomize
