yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
Randomize
