New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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