Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I got my period during my acid trip. It was weird.
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
Lunch?
Massage?
Spanking with handcuffs?
Randomize
