I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Then my mouth guard fell out of the hole, so that's how the dog poop got in my mouth.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
Randomize
