WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
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