It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
